“But we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
Romans 5:3–5 (ESV)
We’d been warned to look for danger signs of rejection following a bone marrow transplant (the last step in treating lymphoma months earlier). Still, I felt rather silly texting my oncologist at home just before the 4th of July to report some bouts with escalating diarrhea. By the end of the day, we were at the hospital. My wife, Beth and I were about to descend into a pit of pain and suffering previously unimagined.
I was shedding the lining of my GI tract; my liver and skin were under attack
I would not leave my hospital bed until Labor Day
I was fed intravenously and would not eat or drink by mouth for six weeks
I had a 5-10% chance of survival
The post-hospital recovery would consume the next two years
How in the world would I endure this kind of unrelenting pain, fear and uncertainty for months on end? The Lord provided rescue in the form of (1) His Word and (2) Himself. Romans 5:3-5 helped a lot.
For anyone wondering how to trust God in difficult times, suffering can make that question intensely personal. Romans 5 does not minimize suffering. It shows us that God can work through it, producing endurance, character and a hope that does not disappoint.
Richness of His Word
Clearly, these verses implied my pain and loss were God ordained--designed with great purpose to change me (us). This truth saved my sanity. He was changing me just like the Apostle Paul had described. It was happening before my eyes.
I also learned that during a hard, dry time like this, it’s no time to read devotionals exclusively. As good as some are, I needed the Scripture. I didn’t need a burst of inspiration. In the fog of suffering, I forgot what God was like. Sometimes, I honestly wondered if He really answered prayers--if He really intervened in our lives--and whether my progressively worsening circumstances signaled the absence of His care for me.
So, I started reading the life of King David in 1 & 2 Samuel--a chapter a day--very slowly. Soon, I was reminded of all the trouble David encountered even though he was the anointed future king of Israel. Over the next weeks, I used a red pen and underlined all the places God intervened for David. I also underlined each place I saw the Lord’s attributes. My Bible was full of red. He did intervene. I remembered who God was--what He was like in multiple situations. I could scan the red parts of my Bible anytime I wanted and get reminded of Who He is.
When suffering makes us question God’s care, Scripture gives us something firmer than our circumstances. It reminds us Who God is, how He has acted and why He can still be trusted when we cannot see what He is doing.
Richness of Himself
An amazing thing happened. Just knowing God as He really is, in all those dimensions, took away fear. It removed my insistence to know whether I’d live or die, when I would recover, why this happened, how I would ever work again. The “when, how, what and why” were satisfied by the “Who”. Once I came face-to-face with Jesus and was assured of His 100% accuracy, power, wisdom, gentleness, patience and love for me--I didn’t need to know the plan. I knew Him. I trusted Him and would follow Him anywhere.
That is at the heart of trusting God through suffering: we may not receive every answer to the “when, how, what and why,” but we can know the “Who.” Our confidence rests in God’s character, not in our ability to understand the plan.
That suffering produced endurance, all right. And my character was being transformed too. There was a new level of peace and security at my core that wasn’t there before. I had a new hope that did not disappoint.
My pastor visited us early-on at the hospital and reviewed Romans 5:3-5. Regarding the last sentence (v5), he said, “Beth and Jay, start looking for the ways God is pouring His love into your hearts”. We sharpened our attention and saw His work all over the place: pivotal encouragement by the right persons at the right time, specific acts of grace for our children, money in the mail when we needed it, meals at home when Beth was too exhausted to cook, and a spirit of peace during downturns in my health.
Before that pastor left my bedside, he said, “In the middle of the night, when you can’t sleep and are all alone, imagine the Lord Jesus on the cross, suffering for you.” A couple days later, I had taken a bad turn and was particularly discouraged at about 10:30 at night. Unexpectedly, my oncologist walked in the room. He’s a Godly man and said he felt a definite nudge of the Holy Spirit to drop by before he went home. We talked honestly about life and death. Then he said, “As you lie here alone, imagine the Lord Jesus on the cross, suffering for you.” It was yet another moment of God pouring His love into my heart.
Sometimes we get it backward and think when suffering comes, it’s God’s main job to remove it. That’s not what Romans 5:3-5 teaches. Instead of fighting the bewilderment, Jesus is there in the yielding. And now I can look back on the horrific events of those years and declare: it was no tragedy. It’s still a mystery, but I can truly rejoice in my sufferings. They were how God rescued me.
Why does God allow suffering? Romans 5 does not give us a simple explanation for every painful circumstance. But it does show us that suffering is not wasted in the hands of God. He can use it to produce endurance, shape our character, deepen our hope and make His love known to us in ways we may never have seen otherwise.
